The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
