You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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