woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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