I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
