Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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