I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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