If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
