Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
