I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
