your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
