I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
