also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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