I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
