so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I will pee on everything he values.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
