Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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