You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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