Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
