I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
