I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
