id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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