You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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