I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
