Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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