hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
