Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
