told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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