I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Randomize
