I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
