i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize