He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
