4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
