Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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