Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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