I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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