and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
