watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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