So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
