Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Im part way to drunk.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
