The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
