Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She bit a glass in half.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
