Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm really busy with my period
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