No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
