If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
