Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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