Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
