The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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