Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
