we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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