im six kinds of drunk right now
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
