My nipple is on Facebook.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
did i walk over a car last night?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
