Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so let's talk penis.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
