so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
