He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
