If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
