Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I understand Curling. That high.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
