Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
