If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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