she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
