Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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