I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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