this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
