remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
