my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
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