found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize