cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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