You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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