this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
