I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
